There are two types of Yankee fans: ones who think Curtis Granderson made a couple of amazing plays in center today, and ones who are convinced he was out of position and ran terrible routes.
Players To To Watch: Wait, I have no idea who’s on this team. Are they still a team? Oh, Travis Hafner’s still there. And the guy the ladies seemed to like three years ago, before his pretty, pretty face went on the DL forever. Choo. Everyone likes Choo.
Predicted Finish: Who cares? Last. Let’s say last.
In a universe in which Bartolo Colon may be on the Opening Day roster, anything is possible. Up to and including the eventuality that the Yankees take a flier on Perez, only to have Colon walk right up to Ollie’s locker on his first day at camp, stuff him down his gullet, then immediately vomit up the bones at the feet of a stunned Freddy Garcia.
Look very closely: Posada has two left feet. His roofied-sloth-shackled-to-a-three-legged-tortoise baserunning now makes perfect sense.
There’s some talk of moving Jeter out of the leadoff spot to allow Brett Gardner in there, a change that is, of course, the kind of perfectly logical thing to do that will make middle-aged New York tabloid sportswriters incontinent with outrage. Being from the Jamesian generation that values “objectivity” and “statistical analysis” over “sentimentality” and “gut feelings arising from a cathartic dump,” I’ve run the Yankees through my propriety Donnie Baseblog Lineup Optimizer and come up with the perfect batting order for the beloved Pinstripers:
1. Brett Gardner
2. Mark Teixeira
3. Robinson Cano
4. Babe Ruth
5. Mickey Mantle
6. A trained circus bear with a titanium kayak paddle
7. 2007 Alex Rodriguez
8. Derek Jeter
9. Babe Ruth
You can’t argue with the kind of strategy that produces, on average, 98 runs per game.